I have been proud thinking that I am confident in Christ who has covered me and I am a princess in my own right. I am assured by my earthly father, brother, husband and other brother like figures along the way that I am loved and appreciated for who I am. I sailed a long way here without really knowing what plagues me and once I am tested, my sense of self comes shuffling down like a house of cards. Slippery foundation, with slick surfaces, the flimsy cards hold nothing but bluff behind my brave and sometimes smug face, there is nothing that holds when temptation and hardships come.
I have been feeling like I'm failing at everything and feeling less than confident in anything I do or am, which is unlike me. Even being open here, where I have bore my soul and heart, my anger and depression, without apologizing or blushing in the past, has become with held proses and euphemisms, only hinting at what I'm really feeling. I think it's because I have much to hide these days, my thought life and my spiritual life has fallen to waste and I am ashamed someone might read my mind. I feel all bad, and no good at all...I am especially feeling the weight of sins in my life and I am crushed by them. Then, I realize that this is not the gospel, what we know as the Good News. I'm living though I am dead and that's not living at all, to be under foot of my own sins and it's consequences. I am a new creation and I am no longer in condemnation! I am good by the righteousness that is given to me by grace alone. Amen.
The women's group has given the assignment of listening to what God has to say about the name he is giving us. The new name that is to replace the old names like, failure, bad, lonely, unworthy, ect. I'm not quite sure this is my final destination, but for now, my name is still Good.