On my sixteenth birthday, I unwrapped a pink precious moment's journal a lock and key and it was just the thing to document the new and improved version of myself after turning the sweet One-Six. I had written in the first page,
Today was the best day ever! I had the perfect party with balloons, food, and all of my closest friends. I don't think I could have asked for a better birthday and it's perfect because today, I am 16!
Ps. I love Eugene (apparently I really loved him because I closed with this one liner every night)
Okay, there wasn't that much dept that came with completing my sixteenth year of life, but I knew that things should be different and I was willing to make it so. I had a pretty sheltered life and I was actually a really nice girl, so I really didn't have too much material for my new precious moment's journal, nor did it require a lock and key. Coming of age doesn't always come with chronological age, but somewhere along your stream of childhood, someone drops a big stone in your water and the flow of your life changes. Sometimes maybe it's just a small pebble, like my first kiss as a junior in high school, which was SO messy and awkward, or the time this kiss turned out to be the biggest heartbreak of my life and made me cry for a whole entire year. But the next year, I found out the college boy I had a crush on actually crushed on me back OR! the time I found out what "morning wood" was as a senior in high school (yeah, I know). Yeah, those were small tiny pebbles, and maybe even just dirt kicked into my stream, but it made me force out of my childhood a little.
There is a big general divide between being a child and being an adult, but in your adulthood, beyond the age of 18, so much happens that most of your coming of age stories are written when you are no longer a child. In some, this is because they never woke to the rest of the world and still are children, only reigning their small worlds where they are the center of their universe. I realize that I have began a new chapter in the book of my coming of age story, because I was forced out of my little universe, where I was the long time ruling princess. Motherhood cures all selfishness and it's something I expectantly waited for a while...on paper, but in reality and in my head, my body, my every day attitude, it was still yet to settle in. Just 4 months after Jude arrived, I am finally accepting the hard change that came so sudden, even though I've been waiting for it for so long. I am selfish with my time and my energy. I like to think, write, sleep, eat in a quiet and elegant pace and not stuff my face while I wipe up food from someone else's face. I like to wake up when I'm ready and have a quiet moment to let the rest of my head to catch up the morning and officially come-to when I have my morning coffee, rather than to be waken every morning at various ungodly times of the A.M. officially coming-to with a whiff of poo poo piercing through my nostrils.
I realized though, when I saw myself chasing Jude around the house and tackling him the ground, tickling him until I got out a good hardy laugh that I so love to hear, this is my life. My friends are constantly finding random food pieces on my Free-People blouse, because it is now a napkin for my drooling boy. I once went grocery shopping, returned library books, and went to the playground to meet my new playground mommies, with an Elmo sticker stuck to the side of my face. Sad to say that I would have never noticed unless Jude, who put it there himself, had noticed it and taken it off my face later that evening while I was feeding him dinner.
Although I did resist the change and maybe I'm trying to keep a little semblance of my free spirited days, there's no hiding or denying that I have crossed the thresh hold of some portal and I'm suddenly somebody's mom. Jude's mom. But I think this is my favorite coming of age story thus far, but I can't wait for the next coming of age moment...hope it's not painful...