Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Spun into Bitterness

The other day, while strolling through the streets of blogsville, I stumbled upon a decrepit little house, shriveled and dwarfed by neglect and pollution. The wall paper wrinkled and puckering, with mold of black and blue climbing up each corner of the whole house spewing spores and poison into the air.  The oxygen in the house stale and muggy laboring breath and life.  All the furniture inside are broken, there are discarded boxes, empty cartons of milk with mold growing at the bottom of the container, the remains curdled and putrid from time gone by. There are dishes piled high in the sink of and it seems no one had lifted a finger to undo all the disarray that happens when one occupies a home.

This is what I think happened to the person who had started this blog called "Aborted Mother." I happened to be looking through a tee-shirt link that supported adoption, my friend had posted on my wall and eventually I had drifted into a frenzy of looking up various types of adoption tee shirts. Some were offensive to non-adopting parents who don't understand what it's like to adopt, and some were just too passive aggressively defending adoption and it even put a bad taste in my mouth. Soon, I was perusing through a stream of google images that displayed a popular tee shirt that says, "Adoption is the new pregnant," and I almost bought that shirt. Not because Adoption should replace biological reproduction and all baby making should come to a halt, or if that would ever even be possible, but I liked the idea of a family being pregnant with an idea of a child that is not random, but specifically growing into their heart, soul, conscious and even in the spare room where the nursery is slowly being built. I began reading this woman's entries because I was confused why anyone would be against adoption, so I read further just to make sure I wasn't reading her "messages" wrong.

This woman and numerous others who comment on her blog states Adoption is hateful and ugly. She hates adoption in general and claims that adopted mothers are psychos who steal babies from their biological mothers. Some have even stated that Christians are so stupid supporting adoption because the bible clearly states that God is against adoption, misquoting a verse from Job saying "The wicked snatch fatherless children form their mother's breasts, and take a poor man's baby as a pledge before they will loan him any money or grain."I'm not sure what that has to do with adoption, because clearly this wicked man is wicked and isn't prayerfully considering adoption, even trying to raise a child as his own. Some continued to accused adoptive parents as needy adults who need to be loved and have an inner longing to fulfill that part in them through parenting a child. I see that some people do that that tendency, but I don't know if that's unique to adoptive parents. While reading through this blog, I was completely and thoroughly disturbed to think that there are people so twisted and disillusioned by their own pain that they would twist what is good.

I had to find out why she was writing such bitter and hateful things about something that gives remedy to orphans and those who are childless, in some cases a mutual benefit. I scrolled all the way back the day she wrote her first entry. She explains that she had put up a baby girl for adoption that she felt she could not raise. In the course of several weeks, she changed her mind and tried to get her baby back from the adoptive parents who had already received this child as their own. When this child was not returned back to her, she began a journey of bitterness and hate toward the adoptive community, posting poems, riddles and tirades about how she lost her baby to adoption, like it was cancer or AIDS or some other terminal disease. She had been so blinded by her pain that she could not see that she had been an unfit mother, she had given up her child and this child was an orphan for several weeks. There was a solution, a good one at that, but when she did not get her way, her pain had twisted her mind and her heart turned sour.