Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eve's dilemma

I'm having a small shindig at my house for new year's eve and to my chagrin, there is much talk of people bringing uninvited guests without permission and seems, this party is growing by the minute. I'm imagining an out of control party scene where a "small get together" while the parents are away for the weekend turns into a full on, get busted by the cops kind of party....But maybe that's just want we need to get this new year started. :)

On another note, although this would be at my house and I actually won't be stepping anywhere outside my kitchen, I don't want my guest showing up and I'm still in my American Apparel leggings and my over-sized sweat shirt. But then again, who wants to show up to a New Year's party where the hostess is dressed in a cocktail dress, her fake eye lashes falling into your champagne and she's click click clicking around in her too tall heels like a Barbie doll? I want something casual but festive, but unfortunately, I'm too lazy to brave the mall and find something to wear...oh the dilemma. Here is something I would love to throw on while serving up my tuna tartar and mini Asian crab cakes...(minus the heels)

or maybe I'll just wear a tiara and call it a year....

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Expanding Circle

self indulging, over eating, hording and pile ups
collecting in store houses, don't know what I'm saving it for.
who will win with all that's saved? will it last or will it fade?

smaller circles, still getting smaller, shrinking and deflating
what causes my heart to shrink and deflate is what I eliminate to self preserve.
well preserved until the end of days, preservation has no service, no purpose,
it all goes to rot.

preserving and protecting, guarding and vigilant of anyone who will slay
anyone who will break, anyone who will wound
from my high watch tower, where no one can reach.

isolate, hide, fake and deflect, griding my teeth
toil, spoil and ringing of hands
little sword shield can't cover me, can't save me.

oh to free fall, to let it all go, to be obedient to the One, to the source,
 to over spend on people other than me.
giving, spilling, spending, until it costs and until it hurts.

costing this way and hurting this way, far more rewarding
greatest sin becomes greatest potential
greatest hurt becomes greatest strength

recover from this smallness, this shrinking...
repent and redeem...
love unconditional, with no return... expanding circle.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Days after Christmas

I can't believe Christmas is come and gone already, not because I didn't enjoy and relish each moment of it and it was a whirl wind of events that I missed it, but I would really would like it to continue a little longer. I'm not ready to let Christmas go yet! I will do my best to water my parched little tree and try my best to gingerly close my front door so that the dried up pines of my wreath will not fall to the floor, leaving just a ring of bare wire. I'm not sure why I want Christmas to stay this year, but I feel completely lost in the glitter and the heart of it, the true reason for the season. I had a good balance between having a traditional all-American Christmas full of food, family, gifts under the tree, and watching "It's a wonderful life" with the whole family even to down to my dad's old antics of rushing through movies and trying to leave before the film is done; and understanding and realizing that God came near to us and gave everyone hope.

My mother and I are already planning New Years Day, planning to hand make "mandoo" dumplings all day and eat them for dinner. While H and I are busy making a guest list for the small New Years shindig we want to have on New Years Eve. I even saw Valentine chocolates and cards already in the candy isle of Dominick's and I feel days go by too fast! Is it my age? Have I finally become my parents and this is how it feels when "life is too short" and say things like "youth is wasted on the young"?  How short is the times and far between are these festivities and times of gathering, where it's expected that family come together just to eat, drink and be merry. I'm glad I'm a wake to it this year.

So, if this year, my head is still in a cloud swirling with Panettone, Christmas ham, lights, and humming Joy to the World, it's because I'm trying to make it last just a little bit longer.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Christmas this year

This year, Christmas was more mine than something that just happens to us. I'm not sure if it's owning the Christmas celebration and all entertainment and food rested on me and me alone, or the Christmas day of being an oasis of sort to people who needed a place to go and not be alone, but I felt, I owned Christmas this year. Not in a way that I made all it happen or I was the source of all good tidings and joy, but I wasn't the consumer in this celebration, but I wanted to do the serving this year. I think this is a good end to the streak I've been on of consuming and separating myself from all things "I will not allow people to force me to do" from 2010. I vowed to do only fun things and to be over indulgent in self preservation, self protection, self medication and self feeding. In efforts to steer clear of the bitter road after a hard couple of months, I wanted to do everything in my power to feed on goodness, wisdom, God, Jesus, a good work out, luck, health, Justin Beiber, anything that would do my spirit good so that I would not shut down from all the heartbreak.

Oh, did it back fire...and just like gluttony, self indulgence in anything causes a shut down. Too much food causes obesity, heart failure, diabetes and eventually death to your physical body. Too much soul food, does the same, when all you're doing is feeding yourself and not feeding or serving others, it causes a shut down. I think in a weird way, taking care of H during his tonsil removal was a good stepping stool on to serving and giving in general. This Christmas didn't move fast, it didn't drag on, but I feel I was truly here for it, in the present. I think that was the best gift I got for Christmas this year.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy Christmas Eve

This is the first year I will have my family over to my place and I am doing all the cooking...and even as we speak, the Orzo is boiling on the stove and the Sweet potato Casserole is resting in the fridge waiting to enter into a warm...or hot future. I feel I haven't prepared enough food for the whole family, but then again, I tend to air on the side of over preparing, because nothing's more sadder than not enough food. Lucky for me, it's just my parents, H, my brother and his girlfriend, so even if I failed miserably, I would have their unconditional love to fall back on....that and my mother's Korean short rib stew she's bringing over.

Christmas music on, the tree lit and it's been snowing for the last 2 hours and it's beginning to look a lot like to sweep up the stray parsley and onion pieces off this floor....

 * Happy Christmas Eve everyone! *

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Remember when?

Remember when I was good? like, really good...
Dad would play tricks, more like tests to see who would fall for would always be me.
He would smile this smile of contentment or a fulfillment knowing that his little girl would still fall for his tricks at the age of 16. You would just continue eating your dinner like nothing was said, nothing can faze you. He was proud of that too.

Remember, when I am coming home and you would be leaving at 10 pm?
That was closing time for me, but the night was still fresh and young for you...
I hated the double standard, but I'm thankful for it now because dad thought me precious enough to over protect.That was my biggest lament of 16, that I was over protected and caged, it may have been for the better, it may have crippled me, but we'll never know. I was especially bitter because even after I entered college, the curfew stayed the same, and so did the double standard.

Remember when you use to "come over" and sleep over in my room? you'd drag your pillow and blanket from next door, and sleep on my floor and we would talk till wee hours of night about everything. As much as a 14 year old and a 16 year old would know and think about. Then, when you came home from college and I did too, it still was our thing to do. Rent a movie and eat Lay's potato chips with Jalapeno cheese dip, or that onion dip that came in a jar.

Remember how we would go to church or where ever go, we would sit for hours and just chit chat and laugh about things I don't even remember now. It seemed the whole world would pass by and we wouldn't even it was us against the world, because our parents didn't even understand fully what it was like to be us. People say we're weird, but who cares right?

Remember when I broke up with my first and last boyfriend in high school and I cried all the time. Finally, you were sick of him trying to call me, so you picked up one of the many times he called and you shouted, "don't call here, she doesn't want to talk to you!" I'm not sure how scared he was of a 13 year old, but I felt fought for and felt like I didn't have to cry about it any more because I won some how...You hated him years after that, you might still have a little resentment toward him now.

Although you fought for me, I fought for you too. How you would come running toward me with mischievous fright, half smirking and half terrified, as a little boy of 3rd grade is chasing after you. And when you're in elementary school, two years can make a difference in height and stature. I would give that boy a scare and chase him a way with my flying fist because although, I might beat up on you sometimes, no one else better come chasing after you with a fist. Nobody.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Park Family 5

Watch this video:

I don't know how it came to be, but as long as we've been through the adoption process, we've heard of JT and Grace. We don't know them personally, only their relatives and mutual friends that have shared their stories with us and in turn they've began to know us and our story. Although their family has already been added on, I see them as adoption peers. A lot of what they have faced in opposition we have faced as well. Although my parents are some what contemporary in thinking, they have slipped here and there with comments more revealing their true desire for a biological grandchild. No, they're not against adoption, but they would like a biological kid first and then help others. To this I have explained in not so patient ways that it's not out of charity, or philanthropy nor is it out of consolation from not being able to conceive a child do we adopt, this happens to be the way a child is added to this particular family. I know, it's difficult for them to understand fully what this means. Like many Asian parents, my in laws are no exception to the rule and found myself becoming increasingly belligerent as they ask and prod, suggest and comment on a child that is not genetically theirs.

I don't imagine the journey from here to actually having my child in my arms would be the end of the road, but just the beginning. Unlike some waiting parents, I don't romanticize my meeting with my child because I know that I will be a stranger to her and she will be to me, and for a life time we will work on being bonded to one another. At times I, her mother would not even be able to know exactly or even half of what that will mean to her (or him) and that is my worst fear, and cringe to think that I would not be able to comfort her when she has questions and wonders about her beginnings. I know that there will be many tearful nights where she is crying, but so am I, from exhaustion, confusion, and just plain difficulty of the situation, and I know there will be phone calls to veteran adoptive parents who will regret ever telling me that I can call them 24-7 with questions or just for support. I have fears that my child will not bond to me well, not bond to her father well, or vice versa, and that I will know the baby blues.

Watching this video reminds me that it is a joyful journey, or that it should be and I don't need to fret over the comments and the misunderstood, miseducated people that surrounds. Its not their fault, they just don't know, so it will be my job to protect, defend, and re-educate for the sake of my future child. I will be an advocate for her, because Grace is right you know, you just love them the same, exactly the same. Although I don't know my child and haven't seen her, I already love her like she's conceived in my womb. Just as a mother with a swelled belly, she is fully content and at peace with her growing state, I too am at peace, not toiling over when, who, and how this baby is to be. It's just as she says, "it's like labor...." and right now I'm just encroaching on the third trimester where I can't tell if the baby would be a boy or a girl, and when we finally come over with the child on that 14 hour plane ride, I imagine that that would be my labor. :) I am content in knowing that this child will come to be just in the nick of time, and I will be the one to receive and this family will be Shin Family 3.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Down and out guy

One thing about community living is that you either have instant neighbors or you have neighbors who live with you in the same building but never say hi to you. Luckily, we live in a condo building that have friendly people and as long as you say hi and chit chat with them, it's reciprocated. There is a one particular guy in his late 20's early 30's, about my age give or take a few and we've exchanged hi's and how are you's. We don't actually know his name but H and I always just call him the down and out guy because...well..he's always down and out. The first time we saw him, he was with his young blond wife and his cute little toddler and he seemed a little too young to be married and with a kid. We made small talk and we found that he attended Iowa State and was lamenting on how his team sucked.  We often found him wrestling his little boy into the elevator or chasing him out of it, some times his little boy would be throwing up and throwing a tantrum. Most days, we just awkwardly smile and inch away as far as one could in an elevator.

Then yesterday, I had just made the elevator as I was coming home from the gym and I found this guy sitting down with 4 to 5 whole foods paper bags hanging from each of his arms. He looked so pitiful sitting there and he looked at me and greeted me with a forlorn "how you doin'." This had to be the most pitiful and typical of all the interactions I had with him....I just replied "good thanks" and noticed that he had a tear in one of his bags, so I let him know.

"oh no! you have a tear in one of your bags...look." (he looks)
"That's horrible...."
"yeah...I'm sorry..."
"Thanks for letting me I'm prepared...."
"sure...have a good night...."

It seems this young dad has been on the run since the day he said "I do." But his forlorn down and out circumstances are almost comical, like he knows it'll be funny one day.  Thanks for the laughs today, down and out guy....

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sea Otters hold hands not to drift

It's silly, but there are a pair of sea otters who made it to the news and have been seen holding hands whilst floating in a man made pool at a zoo somewhere. It's adorable and some even commented that it's so sticky sweet that they "vomited rainbows" after witnessing the spectacle. Then, through inspiration of these two, and how cute they were, I had posted on my facebook status, "sea otters hold hands so that they won't drift away from one another while they sleep. I love nature. heehee."  This silly comment was replied by Kimberly in all of her genius wisdom to say, "Susie, we must always hold hands so that we won't drift." We must follow in their little otter paw steps when it comes to friendships like ours. It's long distance and we don't always have the luxury of not talking all week long and finding ourselves serendipitously at our weekly church service, or run into each other at the student union while walking to class. We can't even count on the yearly KCC reunions every summer because eventually, we will all face life circumstances that will hinder us from the place we call heaven, or as some of us call it, "happy place." 

Most likely, we will never have this leisurely relationship of drifting along the same river and come together now and then to always know about the subtle changes in each other. We will always have to hold hands, whether through texting random messages about the outfit she threw on asking "hippie or Native American?" or the emails that will pile on through out the day to total 30, only containing one-liners like, "blah blah blah..." so that we won't drift away from each other while we live.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Garage door closing

Today, I did a little bit of reading from my own writing and searched through all the past entries I had written. It may be that this year is quickly coming to a close and I can't believe it's December already can you? Can you believe that it's going to be 2011, just when you  got use to writing 2010 on all your dated documents?  I came to a particular entry dated almost exactly a year ago today, December 10, 2009 and it seems this is the day, after crying most of November and part of December, eating very little, and watching countless hours of MTV and the Food Network, not to mention holding everyone I know at an arm's length, I have finally peeled myself off the couch to emerge from the pruning that may have been too severe to bounce back from without a little recovery time.

What I saw back then is that even when I was going through what I called a roller coaster, or maybe I described it as being "jerked around" by God, it seems I was more interested  in being available to people and allowing God's story unfold in my life, than having everything in perfect order. This means, whatever downfall I have, whatever flaw and mistakes I make is for all to observe and learn from, and not just the wins, the glory, the good in me. Over the course of 2010, I'm not sure what road I went down, but I was almost sure I was going to grow from this and began this year with reading through that dreaded One year Bible that makes you read a chapter of the New Testament, the Old, a Psalms and a Proverbs verse. Every.Single.Day. I was determined that I was going to get joyful and stay effortlessly carefree no matter how many lemons life will throw at the stage I was performing on, even if it killed me. All with a smile on my face and my best outfit on. Perhaps I didn't go about growth and maintaining my openness, my silliness, my sense of self quite the way I would like to have. I'm not the cerebral grower, yes I did get good grades in college and every class after, but I was mostly interested in being a good girl in those days, that was the way I played that role. But when I thrive, when I change, I am a student of life.

I am touched by people being kind to others, children being completely self unaware and pure, and by forgetful giving of self. It's the person I want to become and when I saw that people were this way in Jordon, I was completely humbled in every way and it was glaringly clear that I have strayed far from this. I want to stop blaming it on circumstances and how I have been a victim to the little devil sitting on your left shoulder, or how I have fallen through the cracks of all the ministries available to the rest of the congregation but not the admin, but I want to take a good look at myself and see that I have grown inward, becoming far too self aware and self conscious. Ingrown and like a garage door, I was slowly shutting down before the eyes of everyone around me. What can change when all I've been doing is making excuses for myself saying "it's been a tough few years" or "how much more can a person take?" when there are far more dire situations others have endured like murder, poverty, human trafficking, hunger and still they are thankful. joyful. How can I change a person, especially when that person is myself, through brute force or sheer will? I need to remember it's not me that does the good work of recovering from my wounds, but Christ's unfailing love that leads me to repentance, to newness and recovery.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

What I can't get from you

"Sus, what do you want from your friends? their soul?"  (what...I can't?)

"I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever (and never use you up)" - Elmyra Duff from Tiny Toons

I can't fake it if I love you
I can't fake it if I don't
it's not just for show, it just seeps out, I can't contain it.
It's honest, maybe too much, but how can I be more dishonest?

I'm not a child I know
I need a filter I realize
My desire for you is insatiable
Though the love I have for you is lavish, it wounds others by with-holding.

I wish I was like Her, Elmyra
To hug you, kiss you, and love you without being exhausted
My love is not regenerative, it has a source.
I need the refill from you

It's difficult I know, when my pit has no bottom
it's diffcult when this pit has no end
There's only One that fills, but His love is hard to remember or see

This is why it's a sacrice to love, to give yourself up as an fragrant offering, a sacrifice to God.
I pray for freedom from bitterness
I pray for kindness in my voice, in my actions
I pray I will not demand from man, what I can only recieve from God.

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life." ~ Saint Francis

Friday, December 10, 2010

A Christmas Story

There's always a Christmas story, no matter if you're from upper side of the tracks or the lower, you remember the best and the worst Christmas' ever by the gifts you got that year. Yes, Jesus is the reason for the season, but when you're age 8, you can't help but get a little glitter in your eye and fail to see what's beyond the annual limited edition of Holiday Barbie, the sledding, the tree, the line at Macy's to see Santa. When I recollect on Christmas past, it's comforting to know that the adults who call themselves my parents, aunts, and grandparents have made the holidays memorable enough to recall certain warm details that describe Christmas.

While my brother would have a list of toys he had wanted from commercials he'd seen in between his G.I.Joe episodes, I wasn't a little girl who asked for many things, so my parents had to find that age appropriate gift that I may or maynot have liked.

Although they did their best, the worst Christmas gift I had received was Teddy Ruxpin. If you don't know who he is, he is a medium sized Teddy Bear that reads you stories as you follow along in a book. Teddy is a little too heavy for any little girl to tote around on a trip or a sleep over, you just had to keep him at your bedside and at bed time, instead of having your parents read you a story in their sweet familiar human voice, this machine had read you a story while the mouth and eyes opened and shut in a rhythmic pattern. I was a little afraid of Teddy Ruxpin, it may have started when he began with an abrupt "HI!! My NAME IS TEDDY RUXPIN!!!" (the volume was turned out too high) and I was always on my best behavior when he read me a book and made sure I was following along in the book, not missing my cue to turn the page. I was half expecting Teddy saying something not on the pre-recorded tape inside the opening in his back. Something like, "Didn't you hear the beep?! it means to turn the page!!" as his eyes turn from dark brown to murderous red.

Although I was mildly disturbed by Teddy and his hard body that was machine on the inside instead of the soft cotton stuffing it should have been, I had not mentioned to my parents that he wasn't my favorite toy, until one day...the tape player inside Teddy had been empty when I knocked him over from my bed. He began opening and closing his eyes and mouth without a story, instead it was an eerie sound of machine! I was afraid that if I had waited a second longer, Teddy Ruxpin would have told me what he really thought of me instead of reciting the pleasant stories he was program to tell. I ran from my room, and told my mom that she needed to go in and shut Teddy Ruxpin down for good, taking the batteries out of him. I never saw him after that day, because I had buried him under my brother's He-man and G.I. Joe action figurines. In a way, he belong in that bin with all the other hard and slightly violent toys.

To further prove my point, see exhibit A. The commerical for Teddy Ruxpin, a mad scientist creating a Monster. My fears irrational? I think not.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


Sorry, but no matter how much I tried to conjure up a best or even a good story to share about my Jordon trip, today feels like doom and gloom. It's cold and I'm under the weather. I literally cannot come up with one good thing about today or anything to say "That's the best!" about and I feel too tired and grumpy to tell you any of the good stories I brought over from the Middle East. :( Thus today, you will get this. A bunch of complaints:

My outfit is really scratchy and tight today.

I had too much to eat at breakfast and didn't eat lunch, so now I go hungry to the gym.

I have to go to the gym even though I'm sick.

I feel sick.

And it's COLD out! Baaaa humbug!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Peace in the Middle East: "God made me this way"

On a Friday (the Arabic Sabbath) we went to church and drove a set of siblings home from church. They were Ethiopian refugee kids and one sat next to me and she had a little brother who sat in the lap of our Palestinian friend Lina. Lina noticed that this 5 year old boy that fingers that didn't have finger nails on them, and asked what happened, because Lina noticed things like that and she's the type of girl that uses the word "habibi," loved one, often. The boys big sister replied in Arabic, "God made him that way," a phrase that we would say in the ways of "he was born that way."

Subsequently, at a thanksgiving meal we had with a few international people and some Muslim friends they had, we went around and shared what we were thankful for. Most of the Muslim or Jordanians shared they had good brains, they had good hearts, and one even said that she was a model. We were a little taken a back by how forthright they were in boasting in their goodness. Our friends who were more versed in the culture explained to us that in the Arabic culture, you are the one that will boast in your own good qualities because they have a deep understanding that "God made me this way," thus they are thankful for those attributes. When we say, "I am no good", or "I'm not that great", that is insulting God's ability to create or what he's created.

As I was telling my brother this story, he tells me that he lead out a small group one week and he asked everyone to state one or two things that are good about themselves. Most people had a difficult time thinking up things that was good, and he thought how sad that was. In a way it's sad, but I also think that our culture values humility and modesty even if it's false humility and false modesty. It's called low pride, and unlike high pride where it is easy to put your finger on and name it. With low pride, it's difficult to see that this person who seems so modest about themselves is indeed thinking about themselves just as much as the person with high pride, just not with positive perspective. It makes me reflect on my own modesty, do I really think that I'm only a mediocre writer or am I really? Am I really the jack of all trades and master of none, or are there true gifts that only I possess? It's important to begin to see ourselves in the correct objective light, whether good or bad because this paradigm shift will allow us to see others just the same. To see people just the way God made them and appreciate them just as they are.

Tell me somethings that are good about you. How has God made you good?

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Best #14: When you come home from a long trip and you notice new things about your home

Whether coming home from Paris, London or the slums of China, there's nothing better than coming home to your bed, your friends and that immigrations line at Ohare. Where the officers greet you with that ol' cowboy brute force and policing anyone that doesn't look or sound All- American. Although it's been a beautiful experience in a far and a way country, you come home and hurry to settle into the old comforts of familiarity. When you see the pile of mail you had to pick up from the post office because all the mail from two weeks wouldn't fit into your 5x5 mail box, you see that things will accumulate, fall apart, come undone when you're away. It gives you that firm feeling of "oh, I live here and my existance matters here", even if it's just to sort the mail.

Things I've realized coming home from Jordon and Lebanon:
-People miss you when you're away.  They don't forget you in 2 weeks.
-My bed is really soft and comfortable, and my sheets, are the right sort of worn cotton that makes it feel soft.
-The pressure and the temperature...and the amount of water that is available to me 24-7. I don't have to ask the whole family to come pee with me before I can flush.
-Speaking English and understanding every single word of it, even words like amalgamated and peccadillo. :)
-The daily interactions with my friends, even though it's just to say, "hey, so..I'm stalking your facebook today and you look good in sea foam green, just sayin" or getting a gchat saying "um. can you call my phone, I can't find it and I have a phone interview in 30 mins."
-I have a good community here and feel, I really haven't paid much attention to them. That I don't star in a movie called "My life" and everyone else is the supporting cast in this movie.
-I can walk into the bathroom with my bare feet and step in something wet without thinking "was that water?".
-I love my couch, it swallows you in.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Peace in the Middle east

So..I just got back from the middle east, Amman Jordon and Beruit Lebanon to be exact (and no I didn't got there for a mission trip, I went on vacation!).  I could not have been more wrong about the middle eastern people perpetuated by their fierce dark looks and their AK47s... The people in Jordon and Lebanon are the most hospitable people on earth. And because they follow the Biblical hospitality principle and it's so engrained in ther culture, it's just the norm. I am thoroughly impressed by their offering of food to strangers, the Jordanian woman at the airport that gave us her phone number so she can take us out to coffee while in Amman, the taxi driver that allowed us to follow him all the way to the airport when we asked him for directions and the woman patron that directed us to follow them even when it would cost her a detour before she got to her destination.  I have more to say...but between all I've learned, my rusty clumsy fingers that have not seen a keyboard in two whole weeks and the jetlag, I must digress until I am fully recovered and the dust settles in my brain before I share more.

But before then...for my sake (so I won't forget) and your sake (cuz I know you're curious) a few things I carry around in my brain right now...

-Hospitality and how that means I love you
-"God created me this way"
-The language is covered with words of God and loving on people. My favorite "Habibi" means "loved one", one stranger might call another stranger by this term.
-The Bedouin camp grounds and their custom to invite any stranger into their home (tent), feed you, feed your animals, bed you and protect you from harm for up to three days before they ask you why you've come or asking any questions.
-How both us Christians here in the States and the Muslims in the Middle east miss somethings about God
-hmm...I guess I've got more sand or I mean dust whirling up in my brain than I thought...